It's been a while since I took a real vacation. Now I cannot seem to find myself, especially that I am recently clouded by anxiety and confusion as regards law school. I am supposed to be spending time in my hometown but I am still stuck in Manila, not because I have to but because I am left with no choice.

But, I am still looking forward to a fun-filled vacation at a not-so-secluded resort somewhere in Visayas. And I prefer to do it alone.

The last time I dawdled along the shore was in February of this year, in Sariaya, Quezon province. My aunt was in one of her trips to Luzon so I tagged along amid the heavy demands of law school. I just wanted to be in a serene and tranquil place for a moment. Besides, she is more than a company-- she is the most interesting person to talk with next to myself of course. But, the beaches of Quezon Province aren't really much to see, the beaches in the Visayas are way much better.

I used to travel alone to places, especially during those times when I was craving for anonymity. I didn't really like to have familiar people around me. Partly, I also wanted to be alone.

During my brief stay at Amanpulo, Palawan, I met an English guy who was having his yearly trip abroad. The Philippines was one of the places in his itinerary. We met at the Clubhouse where I was checking some stuff at the Library and he was looking for something to drink. He probably became interested in the accessories I was wearing (mostly shells and beads) or maybe he was pretty much bored alone.

"Where can I get one of those?" I am not really good at discerning things but his English accent seemed to be that of those who belong to the affluent class of the British society (that of Hugh Grant's).  Anyway, he was referring to my sigay necklace, which I bought from one of the trade fairs in my hometown. He asked me if he could also get one of those and I said yes, but I didn't think that he could find any around the island.

Everything started from there. He was travelling alone, so was I. We spent the afternoon together along the shore, talking about England and how amazed he was that I knew a lot about the place. I told him that I've always wanted to live in the late 18th century to early 19th century England, where people was passionate about everything. I also told him that some of my favorite authors were English writers such as Henry James and Jane Austen. He said he has not read any of Jane Austen's nor any of Henry James' works. I don't know whether I felt sorry for him that time.

We also talked about music, some philosophy, native delicacies and a bit of poetry. He said that the reason why he became interested in poetry was because the girl he was courting was a literature major at Oxford university and he wanted to impress her with his writing prowess. So, he dabbled into lifting words and making them rhyme and call the product, a poem. He recited me a poem, which I thought was a clever one if not so refined. He said he wrote it and I believed him.

He probably wanted to ask me to scuba dive or to snorkel but I said I don't swim. It surprised him but i reasoned that I had my reason for going to Amanpulo. The powder-fine white sand that ringed the island is more than a reason itself for going there. I said that I was only trying to find myself, which was a bit weird for him to reckon. Indeed, I was only busy acclimatizing myself in the island that I forgot the passage of time. My inactivity was almost endless but in one way or another, I had to take-off.

I went to row with him in a tandem kayak while he was discussing the possibility of meeting me again in the same island, or perhaps in another island somewhere. I told him that if I become rich someday, I am going to travel around Europe and for sure I will stop by Nottingham and probably give him a call. He also said that he'll try to look up Jane Austen's novels and try to read them if he is not to busy. I told him that when I have already mustered enough courage to learn how to swim, next time I will probably snorkel or scuba dive with him.

I took off the island ahead of him as I was only set to stay there for four days. I wrote him a poem about serendipity on a postcard. I also gave him my sigay necklace. He gave me a quill and a vintage miniature of a guitar he bought from home. So I bade him adieu.

I cannot say that I found myself in Amanpulo but I didn't have much expectations in the first place. Sometimes meeting people and hearing their stories make realize that I am walled in a small city, trying hard to let go of everything that's keeping me or at least trying to find myself.

Certainly it was during that period when I was meeting a lot of strangers from different places and engaged in conversations with them. I just wish to go out and travel once more, in the hope of finding myself again, and have one of these people make me realize that I have already found myself...  somewhere.